Caliente Off The Presses

(Piracy Warning: This story is totally stolen from skc, but she should know better than to tell me such things)

News outlets are reporting that Thursday night history will me made at Milwaukee's Miller Park. The Brewers, along with Sausage Race sponsor Klement's Sausage Company, will unveil a fifth sausage, the Chorizo, to run in their legendary races. The announcement is also being done to coincide with Cerveceros Day which doesn't really exist, but will be celebrated at the Park during Saturday's game against the Reds. This should be especially well-received by the Mexican community given the connotations that sometimes accompany the term "chorizo." Although Cerveceros Day isn't actually a real holiday and has no actual significance in the Hispanic community, it should work immigration reformists and English Firsters into a xenophobic frenzy nationwide. Expect irrational encased meat boycotts (senseless under any circumstances) to ensue.

The Original Franksta's

Despite the media blitz being given to the announcement, Klement's representatives are being coy and have been stingy with the details:

"Don't bank on anything until you see it live," said Dan Lipke, Klement's senior vice president of sales and marketing. "There are a lot of ways we can go with this."

Asked if the Chorizo would be the newest Racing Sausage, Lipke said, "I'm not laying claim that's what you will find."

There may be, as Mr. Lipke says, "a lot of ways we can go with this" but sources say the actual way of the One True Chorizo will be one "adorned with a mustache and a sombrero and...sport[ing] the traditional colors of green, white and red."

Chorizo and his secret ethnic training regimen.

The Chorizo will join the likes of the Bratwurst, who apparently suffers from the racing sausages' bane - trick ankles, and the Italian, who leads this year with 17 wins, but who enjoyed fame before landing amidst the glitz of Beer City, USA: "He is one of the better known competitors. Much of this acclaim comes from his activities on the Silver Screen where he has been featured in such low budget films as Sausages Are A Butcher's Best Friend and Sausages, Sausages, and More Sausages."

Those unable to be in Milwaukee for the festivities are encouraged to partake in the Racing Sausages Video Game, which is precisely how your boss and mine want people to celebrate diversity in the workplace.


At 10:51 AM, Anonymous rebecca said...

high art and sausage races all in the same week. a real renaissance man.

At 11:04 AM, Anonymous Rev Transit said...

Friar Sarcasmos says that he heard the Chorizo will have a cape and a sombrero. And we both think the race on Thursday will be rigged so that Chorizo wins.

Cerverceros Day. That's a beaut.

At 1:06 PM, Blogger evandebacle said...

" high art and sausage races all in the same week. a real renaissance man."

I will stop at nothing in my search for meaning in this world.

At 2:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Y'know, I almost feel a road trip coming on. Or at least I want to know if Randall Simon will be invitd to the festivities.

At 2:23 PM, Blogger evandebacle said...

Funny you should mention that. I was going to end the entry with "No comment from the Randall Simon camp on the planned chorizo addition."

One way they could introduce the newbie, and one in keeping with the ethnic theme, is to make a giant Randall Simon pinata. Then the other sausages put on blindfolds and beat it with a bat. Finally it breaks and the Chorizo falls out of it, along with traditional pinata goodies off course.

At 3:58 PM, Anonymous victor said...

It seems this connection between Mexican sausages and the Brewers goes back to 2003.

From today's Fox Sports:

"While taking part in the human sausage race at Milwaukee's Miller Park, a woman dressed as the Italian Sausage is blindsided by the bat of Pirates slugger Randall Simon and sent toppling onto its grill. The woman suffered only a brush burn, but lost the race. Simon, on the other hand, was arrested, charged, and fined $432 for disorderly conduct. Later, he was traded to the Chicago Cubs and bounced between franchises before eventually landing in the Mexican League of AAA-level baseball." http://msn.foxsports.com/other/story/5792996?FSO1&ATT=HCP>1=8393

At 4:39 PM, Anonymous Rev Transit said...

Still looking for a sucker to put down some money against the Chorizo.

At 4:42 PM, Blogger evandebacle said...

Rev, I'll take the field. Bet you a beer after our next show.

At 6:36 AM, Blogger evandebacle said...

And here's an entry from The Cub Reporter from 2003 (http://www.all-baseball.com/cubreporter/archives/003272.html) where the writer refers to Randall Simon as "El Chorizo Grande" (an admittedly stupid nickname considering Simon hails from a former Dutch colony). But I'm starting to see a conspiracy forming. Could the secret identity of the Chorizo be Simon?

At 11:43 AM, Anonymous Rev Transit said...

You're on for the beer, Mr. D'Ebacle.

At 2:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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